Headphones

Do you ever see people with headphones in and wonder what they are listening to. It could literally be anything. Trying to figure this out could become extremely superficial, because if you do not know the person, you could be stereotyping their music by the way they dress. Regardless, it can become a fun game. The person strolling down the street could be listening to hardcore rap or classical music. The world may never know. I have always wanted to ask random people what they are listening to. I think one can find out quite a bit about a person from what kind of music they listen to (without any negative connotation added.) Just because someone listens to rap does not mean that they do drugs everyday and someone who listens to classical music isn't "weird." Music is such a pivotal thing in out society. It really helps people through tough times. That stranger in the headphone could be listening to some pump up jams to just get through the day. Hell, I encourage you to ask a random person what they are listening to. It can either allow you to learn about a new musician or connect with someone based on music taste. YOU COULD EVEN HAVE A DANCE PARTY TO THEIR MUSIC IN THE STREET.

Okay, now that might be a little extreme, but it would be extremely fun. Next time you see someone with headphones in, create a story about the music you think you're listening to. Just run with it. Never let your mind stop wandering;

Tuesday Night is Zumba Night

Every Tuesday night, I go to the gym and do Zumba. I love just dancing around and having fun. Today, like every Tuesday, I went to the gym to do such. We started the class and I was just following the instructor when I looked in the mirror and saw white showing through my black spandex pants. THEN I REALIZED: I ripped my damn pants when I dropping it low and what not. I was so embarrassed and really kind of mad because I was really getting into it today. Do you think that stopped me from finished Zumba. HELL NO. I normally dance by the door, so I had to move in the far corner so the rest of the gym wasn't seeing my ass as was dancing. Now, the rip was not visible all the time, just when we squatted down. It threw off my grove a little bit, but I just kept doing my own thing. Most people would have left and gone home, but nope, not me. I just went on with my business. I am sure people in class had to notice..hopefully the rest of the gym did not. Its been a while since I've had a really awkward moment like that..I kind of missed it, you know the awkwardness. I was more upset about not being able to really get into Zumba like I normally do than I was about my pants..

So that's my awkward moment of the day.

Tripping over my own feet

So today I was walking across campus to get to my class, just like any other day. I was minding my own business when out of NOWHERE this invisible box decides to pop up and trip me. I almost fell into the street with a car quickly approaching. Luckily I caught my footing in just enough time to stop myself from getting hit by a car. It was fairly embarrassing because there was a guy standing right there watching it all happen.

Okay, so the who invisible box thing is a lie. I really did trip, but it was over my own feet. The shoes I was wearing tend to make my feet stick to the ground more  and causes me to stutter step a little bit sometimes. This just happened to be one of those times. The guy asked if I was okay and I said yah. Then I proceeded to respond with "haha that could have been bad," and walked away. That was the best I could have come up with in order to not get embarrassed about what just happened. I can only imagine what would have happened if I would have fallen into the street..

Drinking While Walking

     I would consider myself a fairly good multitasker...until I go to take a drink while walking. I swear it is damn near impossible for me to do so. Any open cup with liquid in it is not my friend. I do not understand why it is so  difficult for me to do so, but every time I try to do so, I end up with liquid all over my face and down my shirt. The only time I can do so is when there are straws, but I really just don't like straws. That being said, every time I go to take a drink while walking, I have to stop in my tracks, take a drink, and continue walking. Needless to say, I lose all sense of grace. It is almost equally as bad as the blonde joke where she can't chew gum and walk..at least I have that skill accomplished.

Travel Tips I Learned from My Trip to Atlanta

Over the next couple of days you will be seeing posts about my adventure to Georgia. My goal is to recap one day per day over the next week so you all can get an insight into my trip. I have concocted a list of a few things I learned over the past week or so that I would like to share!

Travel Tips and Helpful Hints

1.       Bring an extra phone (prepaid) if you are able to. You never know when you are going to shatter your phone screen in your trunk.

2.       Use the bus/train system. Its way cheaper than any taxi or ber, and you get more acclimated to the city that way.

3.       Travel by map and escape from your phone for a little. Try not to use GPS and really get to know your destination. A map gives you the whole picture and you are more likely to remember where you are going next time.

4.       Talk to people. In restaurants, on the bus, in a train, etc. Ask local people what there is to do and sites you must see.

5.       If you are staying in a hotel, find out if there is a shuttle. Sometimes there will be one for free that you can take within a specific distance of your hotel.

6.       Most, if not all, hotels let you check your bag after check out. You can keep it there if you have a later flight after checkout and go explore until it is time for you to leave. This avoid late checkout charges and having to carry around your luggage all over the place.

7.       Look up the weather of your destination. This prevents you from packing shorts when it is supposed to be cold and sweaters when it is supposed to be warm. Your best bet is to always bring a jacket.

8.       Eat food. Local food. Avoid all popular chain foods as possible. Get food you can’t get at home. Ask around and see what is good.

9.       Look for free things to do. There is always free things to do. If you’re in the military, ask for discounts. Sometimes you get into places for free!

10.   Make a list of stuff you want to see, and then see it. Have a goal to see as much as possible. Don’t waste your day sitting in your hotel because that is lame. Don’t eat at the hotel either.

11.   Try new things. Go to places that you think you wouldn’t like. You might end up really enjoying yourself.

12.   Experience history. Search out historical landmarks and really indulge in the culture of how things started. You will be able to add to the culture and become a part of something that makes that city what it is.

13.   Enjoy every aspect of where you are at: nature, city, outskirts, good, bad, etc.

14.   Always be mindful of your surrounds when travelling alone, especially at night downtown.

15.   Plan, but don’t make that the centerfold of your trip. If you spend the whole time planning, you burn time you could be spending exploring. Be as spontaneous as you can. It allows you to see way more than you ever expected.

16.   Document your trip. Take pictures, write down conversations, places you went, people you met, songs you heard, food you ate: the list can go on forever. I found it more helpful to write down things throughout the day when I was going from place to place. It helped me remember the little things better.

Some Days

Some days
We feel lost
No map can find
What we are looking for

We wander
Around this Earth
Trying
Hoping
Searching
For something more

Gratification
A forgotten friend
Never visited

Some days
I wonder
and I wander
Wondering if
I will ever reach
Self gratification

So I will wander
but not all who wander
are lost.

The House of the Human Soul

     I was walking down the street today when I saw this building getting demolished by large pieces of equipment. The building just fell victim to its wrath so quickly. I find it quite intriguing how much work goes in to putting up a building, only to so easily have it demolished. All of the brainstorming, planning, ideas to paper, buying of materials, time investments; the list goes on and on. This is surprisingly comparable to the human soul.
     Throughout our entire lives we constantly task ourselves with investing in the improvement of ourselves. We build upon our life experiences and grow as humans. Much like the buildings, we invest time, money, effort, emotions, thoughts, ideas, etc., into ourselves. What is even more interesting is that even the strongest souls are fragile. Buildings have their constraints that they can withstand and so do our souls. Our souls can fall apart at the push of a button, just as easily as the building can be demolished at the swing of a machine.
     Some times it can feel as if our foundation of our souls is falling beneath our feet without a conceptual understanding of why it is happening. Life tends to bring out our weak spots. Sometimes our souls might crumble. Our walls will break, our foundation disappears, and we feel as if we are left with nothing but a bunch of broken pieces.
     The beauty of it all is that there is always a plan. Sometimes we have to get broken down to build something more magnificent back up. The ruins might never go away and the memories will always be there, but luckily, a better stronger soul and building will get put up with just as much, if not more precision than the one that previously stood before it. We are constantly changing and evolving, and sometimes it is best to start a new path, and new building, and new soul. A stronger, better, more majestic soul.

Foward Motion on a Bike

     Have you ever just watched someone try to get started on moving forward on a bike? It can be quite comical some times. I see a lot of it on campus since it is a common method of transportation. The thing that sucks the worst is that people walking on the sidewalks crowd the whole thing and make it damn-near impossible to get through in a safe manner (without hitting someone which I have done, but that is a different story for a different time.) It gets really tricky when you are trying to get moving through a cross walk and initially everyone is crowding the space. You have to try to find enough momentum to not fall over, but also be weary of the humans around you. Today I saw this man trying to get through a crosswalk on his bicycle after waiting for it to be safe to cross. There was probably 6 to 10 people in front of him, walkers I might add, so he had to awkwardly swerve to get going and not hit anyone and I am not sure why I found it so hilarious. He had the huge look of fear on his face like "Oh shit, I am either going to run over someone, or fall over like a fainting goat." Meanwhile, his bike was doing this awkward swerving balancing act. Kind of like a newborn giraffe riding a bike. Any whom, that was my little bit of entertainment today and it probably wasn't nearly as funny as I thought it was.. It might just be a "you had to be there moment," but if you try to imagine a newborn giraffe trying to ride a bike, that in itself is comedy enough.

Don't Wait for Later to Become Never

Nowadays, people are too comfortable with the idea of "later." They expect that there is always going to be a later point in time in which they can do what they want or need to do. What they do not realize is that if they spend their entire lives waiting to do what they want to do, they will not have lived at all. They will look back at their lives and see the whirlpool of what-ifs. People need to recognize that the little things like living in the here-and-now will create a much happier life than it would if one was to hold off and wait to do the things they want to do. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, and if we wait too long the moment might never come and we will be left feeling empty inside, never truly knowing what it "would have been like." Stop waiting for the perfect moment, or the right time, because it will not come. The right time is now and if you spend forever waiting for later then you will never fully be satisfied. Make time to fit in the things that make you happy, and do what you want to do while you have the time to do it. If you don't "have time" make it, because in the long run, its worth it.

Like a River

We are like water in a river. We never visit the same place as the same person; changed by life's events, just as the river never receives the same water twice. The water is changed by the course of river as it passes by collecting new things just as we collect memories and are changed by the people we meet in the course of our life.

I am me.

I am me.
I am thrift store clothes and messy hair.
I am moody and emotional;
a little hard to handle.
I care too much,
and laugh at my own life.
I am depression and anxiety
with a lack of self confidence.
but I won't apologize for me.

Genuine Happiness

      Genuine happiness is so hard to come by nowadays. Every one is so broken down by the trials that life throws at them. This is always SOMETHING that seems to go wrong (should you choose to look at it that way.) All too often, including myself, too many people look at the struggles of life as a curse. "Why me?," they might ask. The awfully beautiful thing about struggling is you can appreciate when things go your way. I guess that might just be my twisted pessimistic personality. We all have struggles, but the outcome has infinite possibilities that all depend on how you react to the situation. Most times, the only thing we can control is our reaction. I think one of the most important things that I forget to do sometimes is to look at the big picture. I get so focused in on the funnel of negativity that I forget that there is happiness and joy and sunlight out there for me to grasp with both hands. All I have to do is grab it. Have someone in your life that reminds you of how important it is to look on the positive side of life. Realize that there is more to life than the negativity that you surround your thoughts with. Find someone that makes you forget the negativity. Find one that makes you genuinely happy, because in the end, life is too short.

High on Music

     So the weirdest thing happened to me and I thought it was pretty cool. Today I actually got the opportunity to take a nap (which I don't do often because you know, the Army.) I have extremely stressed out lately so I decided I was going to listen to sounds that effect your brain waves in order to help me relax and sleep peacefully for a little while. Well, I had an alarm set and I was in the middle of a brain wave session when it decided to oh so rudely wake me up. Being that the brain wave sounds have a process throughout the entire "song" I guess you could call it, it got interrupted so when I woke up I was all sorts of loopy. I felt like I was on drugs ( I am assuming.) I giggled like a little girl and that was scary because I don't do that. My battle buddies here we concerned and said I looked high. I was half away, half asleep, half "I don't know what the heck is going on." Yes I know that equal 150% but that is besides the point. Regardless, the brain waves made me feel like I was on drugs and it was kind of cool. Who needs drugs when you can screw with your brain with sound waves.

Introverts vs. Extroverts

     Wow. It's been a while since I have been able to post anything since I have been doing my EMT training and completing the first half of my Combat Medic Training. Life in the training military can be pretty stressful sometimes, but eventually you get used to the everyday routine and the lack of sleep and everything in between. 14 hour workdays and constantly being hungry. It  is all worth it in the end though. Once I am out of here I have a lot of goals and things I want to accomplish. Not to mention I will have some kick ass training that will help save people's lives. 

     One random thought I had in the delirium of formation was day was about introverts and extroverts. A common characteristic of introverts is for them to be really quiet and shy around new people you do not know, but as soon as said introverts get comfortable its a whole new side of them you never saw. (I know this from experience.) They start to talk more and just be more relaxed around people they see all the time. Well extroverts do the same thing, but initially instead of waiting. and I just thought that extroverts were high speed introverts. They just like to move on with things a little faster.

      I am not entirely sure what tangent my mind was on throughout that process, buht I was in such deep thought over that. Luckily I am more comfortable around people here and can quit being such a spaz around new people. Life is good.

Peace Earthlings.

The Army

     I am part of that 1% of America that voluntarily signed up to serve my country in the military. Part of that small percentage that decided I was going to something way bigger than myself. Just because I am in the military doesn't mean that I am pro war. If I could stop war, I without-a-doubt would, buht I am definitely going to do whatever I can to keep the US safe. I am training to save lives of those that are out there on the front line fighting so people can have the freedom they have. In a perfect world, there would be no war and only peaceful compromise, buht unfortunately that is not the case and we have to have a force behind the fight for freedom.
     Until you actually experience the training of being in the military and actually experience it, you will never quite understand how much it means to some of us. You make so many connections with people all around the country and you pull together and make a bond that is truly indescribable. It does actually take some knowledge and common sense. It is not all easy. It goes way beyond pointing a weapon at a stranger. There are so many jobs in the military that go unnoticed. It's not all destruction either. Saving lives is my main focus. I have to be able to assess the patient and help them escape death. Personally, I don't think it is a waste of my brain even though some might think that. It does take thought. Quick thoughts. You have to be able to perform whilst in the midst of chaos and destruction because our lives depend on it.
     I do not regret joining the Army. I have my days where I would rather be doing a million other things, but in the end I am here to protect and serve and I hope that one day I can make an impact on someone's life in multiple aspects of my life: both military and civilian.

A Look Inside

Oh boy, what a treat today has been. For those of you who don't know, I recently shipped to AIT (advanced individual training) to become a medic. I'll be EMT certified when I get out so that's cool I guess. I had to wake up at 0300 today because I had to have a 4 hour CQ shift. Basically you just sit and wait for something to happen. Due to my lack of intake of water (as far as I know) made me pass out at around 0600. They had to take me to the hospital for safety reasons. So that was just a peachy start to my day. Just my luck. I've never passed out before so it was kind of weird.. I was only out for like a second or two. I ended up being there for 5 hours though.
AIT is pretty boring right now because I haven't ACTUALLY started any training though. The Texas weather is super bipolar. It will be freezing in the morning, burning in the middle of the day and then cold again. It just doesn't make sense. When it is warm though, it is beautiful! I think my awkwardness is showing because people always think I look paranoid or scared or I don't even know. I'm probably just in my own little world thinking about God knows what. I am so ready to get to training. I started reading my textbook today. That'll be a change, I haven't had to do that in forever. I must have a effervescent personality that just emits awkward. I swear every where I am somewhere new it gets brought up about how weird I am. I think it is just because I am not comfortable. Sweet molasses though, when I get comfortable enough to be crazy..that's a whole other story!

My posts may be few and far between for the next couple months since I'll be in training, buht I am sure I will have more awkward stories to come. Or at least a few funny ones.

For now,

Go in peace my Earthlings.

Yesterday was a Pretty Damn Good Day

     Despite the fact that yesterday was Valentine's day and I am usually cynical towards said hallmark day for numerous reasons, I had a pretty fantastic day yesterday. I started it off with volunteering at school where we made various gifts of appreciation for departments and facilities around campus such as families in the hospitals near and on campus that have very sick children with serious illnesses such as cancer. We also made posters for the departments showing appreciation for being there. We made tissue flowers for veterans and helped restock the food pantry on campus. I thought, "why not spread the love to other people?"

Pizza asking me out.

     All week I was waiting for Saturday. Not because it was Valentine's Day, but because that was the day I was going to allow myself to buy a pizza and it was magical. I told the pizza place to write "Will you be my girlfriend?" inside the box to make it appear as if pizza was asking me out. (  I said yes by the way! ;) ) Then, randomly throughout the day I would put dancing music on and dance around my house. Think like, early 2000s rap/hip-hop. I probably danced around my apartment for a solid 3 hours and I felt so free and happy and in a fantastic mood. I have this disco ball lamp doodad that I plugged in and it was like I was having my own little party for one. I also meditated on acceptance and that was pretty great. I lit a good luck incense and I think it has some drugs in it cos I felt all sorts of loop after that. Then I danced the loopiness out of myself.
     This Valentine's Day, I didn't let the fact that I was "single & alone" keep me from showing love to myself and to the universe. I think that is what is important: to show love to yourself and if others choose to join you, then heck yah bring on the chocolate (if that's your thing.) If you had someone special, I give you two thumbs up!!! My someone special happened to be a something and that something was pizza.  How did you all spend your Valentine's Day?

Child Love

I think one of the most messed up things an adult can tell a child is that they do not know what true love is when they are so young. Gee why don't you just shoot down any chance they have of happiness. In reality, it is most adults that do not know what the meaning of true love is. I think that is one of the saddest things that our lives come to when we age. God bless those that still fell the sense of love when they are old and still happily married as if it were their honeymoon. It is not fair to say that children don't know what true love is because those children are probably the only ones who truly feel it. If the person feels in love when they are twelve, who is to say that they aren't. Love changes based on age and life experience and the concept of love gets harder to grasp as life goes on. So childish love is probably one of the purest forms of love there is. One that is not tainted by the cruelty and pain and hurt caused by life. So please adults, don't ruin love for the young at heart. Their hearts are pure. Don't ruin love for them just because you have lost it.

My Dreams

     As of late I have been having some pretty crazy dreams. My dreams don't even make sense. The other day I had a dream that I was roller skating through a school with an old cheer leading coach, then a chunk of my hair fell out as I asked to go use the latrine. Then it time hopped to a movie theater where my phone started playing music and lighting up. The person next me in my dream told me that he hated my and never wanted to see me again because my phone was going off during the movie. I don't know what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but I find it super bizarre. Maybe it is a warning to not have my phone in the movies (haha). It's even worse having dreams about ex-boyfriends, cos then they make even less sense. Like, where the hell did you come from. I don't know what is going on with my brain lately, but ever since I started meditating I have been having crazy vivid dreams. I think it is kind of cool because it is almost like watching a movie while sleeping. The only bad thing is it can bring up old memories. I can assure you, though that I have no old memories of roller skating through a school, although that would be extremely cool and I would not be opposed.

Some Fun Facts About Brain Waves and Meditation

     Your brain waves can be categorized into five separate subsections of functionality based on the frequency that has been examined through medical tests such as an EEG and a fMRI. Gamma waves have the highest frequency with a rate of 30-100 Hz. In gamma, the brain is hyperactive and is in the phase in which the most information is retained, although over-stimulation can lead to anxiety. Beta has a frequency of 13-30 Hz,  where the brain functions a majority of the time. This is the state of the working and thinking brain that exercises the alertness of the prefrontal cortext and is used in analysis, planning, assessing, and categorizing. Alpha is the state of a calm, peaceful, and grounded mind with a frequency of 9-13 Hz. This state of mind is most likely to be reached after a yoga class or various other activities that relax the body and mind. This is the point when the hemispheres of the brain are more balanced, but not the state of mind that is reached in meditation.

     At a frequency of 4-8 Hz, theta waves mark the point where the verbal and thinking mind transforms into the meditative and visual mind. At this frequency the mind has a higher capacity for wholeness and is better able to solve complicated problems. Visualization is most common during this state. The final and ultimate state of mind is the delta waves at a frequency 1-3 Hz. This state is uncommon for most human beings and is only commonly met with monks who have been meditating for decades. For those of us that are fortunate to reach this state, we are most likely in a deep, dreamless sleep. Monks can reach this phase in an alert, awakened state.

     It is the goal that we reach the theta state of brain wave frequency during meditation since it is a plausible relaxed state that allows the mind to focus in the moment. This state most easily allows visualizations of the breath and body in unity. The objective of meditation is to be in the present moment and be conscious in your actions. By slowing the brainwaves, the rapidness of thoughts begins to slow and more peaceful state of mind is reached.

Liquid Golden Sunshine

     Oh what a day today has been. Between my pre-shipping brief to get ready to leave for the Army, going to mall and buying some incense and CDs (who knew people still bought those.), getting a awesome work out & meditation in, and visiting an old family friend, I have been quite the character today. Some times I have really good days like today and I get extremely hyper and get to the point of laughter that is more like a cackle and my mother just looks at me. It's quite comical to experience in real life. Any whom. Today whilst meditating I started on the balancing mind, body, and soul section. It started incorporating visualization and today I had to envision my body being filled with golden rays of liquid golden sunshine. So when I told my mom, "I don't know why I am so hyper. Oh wait! I remember. It is because I am filled with liquid sunshine!!!" I said this in an extremely excited voice. Then later, when I was eating carrots,  I imagined a carrot doing karate. Then I think to myself, "HOLY SWEET MOLASSES. It would be called carrot-ee (pronounced carrotayyy).

This is only confirming that I am a strange human being.

It's More Than Sadness.

Dad

I told you

I had d.e.p.r.e.s.s.i.on.

And you said

"As long as it doesn't control your life."

But Daddy

It controls EVERYTHING.

You blew it off,

Like the wind blows out a candle.

You blew out my candle.

I admitted my flaws

And you said n.o.t.h.i.n.g.

I was crying out for help

And the nothingness echoed

Like a high pitched squeal

Only you can hear.

I guess I'd rather be depressed

and alone

Than happy

and ignored.

Seeing Old Friends From High School

     If your in college, or out of high school, you will probably know exactly what I am talking about. We all have those friends that used to be friends that really aren't that much any more. Those people you went to high school with. Your relationship was kind of like "hey we had class together back in freshman year." Or you talked a lot at school but beyond that there was not much there. Basically you were friends because you saw each other every day. There are a few exceptions I might add though. I had friends that I talked to everyday at school and we were pretty close, we just never hung out. Okay, now that I have gotten completely off topic.
     Every time I come home to my small town, I ALWAYS run into people I went to high school with. I was pretty well known in high school and I talked to pretty much. You know, awkward small talk because what the hell else to we have to do. Or even worse, you had to work in groups and make even more small talk. Well, I never know how to react when I see people that I used to know and went to school with. If I am out in public I usually turn around and walk the other direction and hide at all costs to avoid making awkward conversation of "hey, how are you? I haven't seen you in years. We never really talked, but HIIIIIII." You know, that kind of awkward small talk. I hate it. Which I why I run in the opposite direction. I am a master of avoidance.  Or there are those conversations you have with people you were actually kind of close with but they basically fell off the face of the Earth. Do you give them a hug, where do you stand? HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO REACT IN THESE KINDS OF SITUATIONS!? Needless to say, I still do not know how to act like a "normal" human being in society. I shall now keep myself locked in my space of living.

Forever Awkward.

Distance

"Distance does not have to be in miles to cause pain."

     Being emotionally distant can cause a lot of pain to those around you. It feels as if you are talking to a brick wall, so why even talk at all. That emotional distance becomes a chore to those around you. I completely understand being emotionally distance. I live that way most times. All I wanted was to enjoy spending time with my family when I come home, but every time I come home it is always drama filled. I'm not asking for perfection, just peace is all.

The Tunnel of Oppression

     Today at school, my friend Shelly and I went to this event on campus called the Tunnel of Oppression. It focused on topics of groups of people or just people in general that feel out of place in today's society. A couple of topics I could relate/empathize with. The topics were racial stereotyping and slurs, Veteran PTSD, Cyber Bully/texting bullying, abuse, physical disabilities, and body image issues. All of these are some serious topics that I think all too often get blown off and over looked because we are so consumed in our own lives that we forget to take a step back and realize that WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

     1. Racial Slurs and Stereotyping Groups of People
               I am sure everyone is guilty of sectioning off groups of people and giving them a certain unpleasant nickname with a negative connotation attached to it. It does not always have to involve race. It can involve religion, economic class, etc. Just because it is normal for people to stereotype does not make it okay to do it.

     2. Veteran PTSD
               Thankfully I have not had to experience any mentally scarring tragedies as part of my military career, but it is a huge reality for many of the military members to have traumatic images and thoughts burned into their brains. Most of us incorporate memories with positive ideas such as smells of pleasant home-cooked meals, and sounds of laughter or the way a certain shirt made you feel when you wore it out on a date. Just little subtle memories that once made you happy. Sometimes with veterans, loud noises and violent video games can set them into a downward spiral that brings back vicious memories that can not soon be forgotten.

     3. Bullying
               In the tunnel, they used the example of a 13 year old girl that met a "boy" on myspace that said he was attracted to her and adored her, but then violently used vicious words towards her and made her feel useless. He even called her fat and made some of their conversations public. He told her she was worthless and that no one wanted her around. Sadly, because of the cruel intentions, this 13 year old committed suicide because of a cyber bully. This cyber bully happened to be her neighbor and a mother of a classmate that "wanted to know what she was saying about her daughter." This woman was never convicted of any charges. It is hard to imagine that a woman, a mother, would go to such an extent to find out some teenage gossip. Do you think it was worth that poor girl's life? Cyber bullying this day in age has become an increasing issue with the increase of the technologically-based society we have today.

     4. Abuse
               I think it is important to recognize that not only men can be abusive in a relationship and the abuse does not always have to be physical. Words can cause just as much damage and your hands can. Most of the time, words actually hurt worse. In the example in the tunnel, a woman was degrading her husband because he went to the grocery store and forgot the milk and was gone for an hour. She called him stupid and accused him of infidelity. She pushed him in his chaired and spewed mean and hateful things to him. He felt all alone, without anyone to turn to. She showed this persona around their friends as a "perfect girl," but behind closed doors she was an angry, abusive partner. He was so worried about his children being the next victims she would lash out against if he were not there. What a scary place to be. I honor his valor for wanting to protect his  children, but he does not have to suffer in silence and I think that is true for anything. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. No one should feel the need to suffer in silence and be alone. There are people out there that care to help. Even if you just need to tell a stranger on the street. Sometimes it is  comforting to talk to someone you do not  know because I feel like there is less judgement and it allows an outside perspective.

     5. Physical Disabilities
               I am sure we all know about someone with a physical disability and can "imagine" what it would be like to be in their shoes. The truth is, we will never truly know what is is like to suffer like that. We all become so numb and acclimated to what is "normal" for most people. What about the people who struggle to get in and out of bed, let alone in and out of buildings and classrooms. I think sometimes we take things for granted. For example, taking a shower for some people is a leisurely way to unwind after a long day. For someone with a physical disability could dread going to take a shower because they have to worry about making sure they are not going to fall when they get in or out. They have to make their life so planned out just for their safety. I think it is important to try to accommodate all people: disability or not. Having special rooms in apartment complexes specially fit for those in wheel chairs seems to be a major concern to some. Usually rooms that are handicap accessible are secluded and out of the way. It is important for equity, not just equality. There is a difference. I had the difference explained to be in a very peculiar way. Equality is everyone gets a pair of shoes, but equity is giving someone a pair of Jordan's and someone else a used pair from a thrift store. It does not seem fair does it. I do not believe that people should be punished because they have a disability. Their life is probably hard as it is already and there is no reason why there cannot be equity for all. Having handicap ramps just is not enough.

      6. Body Image
               This one kind of hit home. I am sure that everyone had that one thing that they do not like about themselves. It is so incredibly difficult nowadays to be okay with body image and self esteem because society has slowly broken down so many people that they are comfortable with it. Everyone seems to have this idea that you have to look like a model to be beautiful. That if you're anything over a size 2 you might was well go starve yourself and don't even think about enjoying your food because God forbid you eat a piece of pizza. Being skin and bone means nothing if you're one the verge of death and not enjoying life. Society puts the idea of fun and socializing with friends as going out to eat with friends and laughing and having a good time but if you eat anything other than a salad you might as well be prepared to exercise for the next 3 hours. Society wants you to be yourself, but the "yourself"that is socially acceptable. So this is not being yourself at all. If society did not place such a heavy burden of being "imperfect" and being "fat," or whatever other negative idealism they have placed upon us, people as a whole could be so much happier. Every where you see "beautiful" its usually associated in magazines or on T.V. as skinny girls with thigh gaps, and collar bones, and protruding bones that come out of the skin. That is just a beautiful as someone who's thighs touch when they walk and who has a little bit of excess anything. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the beholder should not be society. We are society and if we keep fueling the fire then both women and men will place their self worth on some photoshopped picture in a magazine. Thin did not always used to be in. It is more important to live a healthy lifestyle should you chose that is what you want, but make life about what you want. Life is too short to sit in front of the mirror and depict the body you were given. You cannot put a size on beauty.


These are some pretty serious topics that I feel get pushed off to the side all to often. All it takes is for people to take and stand. We are society and we can change it. Please be cognizant for the world around you and the words you speak. Words can be deadly. People are human and that is completely unchangeable. People make mistakes and do things that they regret. Some people are sensitive and take things to heart more than they should. Mistakes are made, but that does not change the fact that the good CAN outweigh the bad. It is not going to hurt you to pass a smile to a stranger on the side walk or offer a hello or talk to someone who is sitting alone. You never quite know what is going on in their heads. That conversation could potentially save their lives. That being said, be aware of the actions and words you portray to other because your words can be the reason they are contemplating life or death. All it takes is one to make a change and if we all start and try to save the world one person at a time, we can become the epidemic that saved the world.

I encourage you to comment your thoughts and opinions below. The only way to over come society is if we all start talking about it.

My Dad is My Superhero

     I am very much a Daddy's girl. My father and I have always gotten along because we think and act so much alike. I do not know what I would do with out that man. He is always there to rescue me. When I need some cold hard logic to bring me back to reality, my father is the first man I call. Usually I call my mom first for sympathy and then I call my father to kick me back out of the nest and bring me back into the realization that things are not quite as bad as they seem in the moment. What I like about my relationship with my father is that we can bond over some many things. We like to talk about cool new life improvement technique. For example, recently we both started discovering the world of meditation. He always inspires me and pushes me to be the best possible person that I can be. I only hope that one day I can be the parent that he has been for me. He likes to tell me that he enjoys my struggles because it means that I am being challenged and growing. I think that is the most twisted genius logic on the face of this planet. As with many aspects of life, I learn the best from my failures because I realize where I went wrong and how to fix it should I come up to the same problem later. This can be applied anywhere from school to life in general. I just want to say, "Thank You," to the greatest father I could possibly ask for because without him, I would not be the woman he pushes me to be. I love you, Dad.

Meditation

As of late, I have started to experiment with the power of meditation and all of the benefits it can entail. I have to say after about two weeks of meditation, I can honestly start to see an improvement in my mindset. I have my good days and my bad days and a long way to go, but I am getting there. Instead of self destructing, I turn to meditation when I feel myself starting to get a bad mindset. It is my go to line of defense when I start to feel a panic attack or anxiety start to kick in. The mind can be such a powerful thing and it can be used in your favor if you know how. There really in not an excuse as to why someone cannot meditate. It can be difficult at first but as with everything practice can strengthen the mind. It is something that needs to be practiced every day in order to be reach the full potential benefits. I recommend doing guided meditation to start off with as it is kind of difficult to just sit there for at least ten minutes inside your own mind. I have recently started using the app Headspace. So far I am really enjoying it. Meditation give you the strongest power in the world: the power of the mind.

Midnight Conversations with my Mother

     The other day I had to most bizarre and interesting conversation with my mother. Its started off normal. You know, the usual. Boys, hows her day was, my sister, and random other nonsense topics. Then things got weird. As it got later in the night, the conversation jumped all over the place. I have this thing where I like to make up completely ridiculous theories (such as my alien theory.) We talked about religion and how our entire concept of time in reference to the year (BC and AD) is based on religion and "the birth of Christ." I had never really thought about it before until that night. I started talking about species evolving and she proceeded to ask me if I thought we came from monkeys. We also talked about what happens to a butterfly when it is in a cocoon and came up with all sorts of strange theories. I said they turn into mush and then change. That was a little too morbid for her though. Things just kept getting weirder and weirder. I kept that woman up until 12:30 am on a Tuesday. By the time we reached the end of our conversation she sounded like she was drunk from sleep deprivation. I can't quite remember what else that conversation consisted of, but I do know that I came up with some pretty interesting theories to things. I came to the conclusion that everything is a lie. Okay, not really. You really have to appreciate those late night conversations, because those are the ones you will remember. Thank the universe for having people in your life that will do that with you. And if you don't, well you do now. I am always up for late night ridiculous conversations.

Go in peace and be weird my earthlings.

Religion's Wrench in Life's Compass

     Today at my university we had a day of service in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Hundreds of college students go out and volunteer their time to do some type of community service. The day started out with a key note speaker. He started talking about equality and making the right decisions and how our opinions can change the world or destroy basically. While in the midst of him talking it made me have a flash back to my senior year of high school in AP Literature. We were on the topic of religion in relation to one of the novels we had read in class. Being the highly religious zombies that the townspeople are, one of the students decided to say that religion determines moral character. And in that moment I took a stand and spoke my opinion because I actually had one for once.
     My opening argument was "Does that mean that atheists have no moral compass?" I was so infuriated at the closed-mindedness of people back home. They have had religion shoved down their throats since before they were born. They never had the option to think differently. For some people that is their rock and their foundation and I could not be happier for those people because they have chosen to believe in something and have a faith that cannot be altered. I am in no way degraded the people who have such a strong faith. I wish that I had something to believe in, but my time will come when I find the way.
     The conversation continued back and forth to the point where I was almost angered to tears. He kept trying to say that because to have a religion you have a better chance of making the right decision. My point was that the world, not religion, and your own thought process allows you to make the correct decision. I do not think that good decisions come from fear of an almighty punishment. Even so people make mistakes, Christians make mistakes, all believers of anything make mistakes. Not because of lack of faith, but because we are simply and beautifully human. Religion can't always pave a perfect pathway, but it certainly helps some people. I am not a strong believer of anything and that does not mean that I want to go kill or steal or make any other immoral decisions. Some of the biggest believers commit some of the gravest decisions. People are people and the experiences they have create the mindset of how decisions will be made in their life; faith or not.

Society and Loneliness

I never understood why being alone had such a negative connotation. Being alone can be so liberating because for once there is no one telling you how to think. And you can be whoever you want in those moments of loneliness because if you want to be alone then dang it be alone. Don't ever make anyone feel bad for being alone because being alone also means escaping the cruel society we live in. We are so judged for every single breath we take and image we portray. What right do people have to designate a status quo and to outcast the outsiders that don't fit into the perfect mold. People are so unique and that is what makes this world have the potential to be great. All it takes is a stand against society and to break the mold of this so called perfect because "perfect" is going to change. Sooner or later, one time or another, everyone is going to fail to fit the mold. And that moment will either make or break you.

Life's Brutal War

Don't ever let your smile fade.
It's all too fragile.
Like brittle bones
Weakend
from life's brutal war.

GARTH IS BACK HOME

 I am so happy. Today I got to bring my little fur ball back home to my apartment. He has not been here in a couple weeks so it is great to have him back. He seems pretty happy to be back as well. I rearranged my apartment when he was gone so he was extremely interested in exploring the apartment to see what was what. It is so nice to have him around because he's another living thing in my apartment. He's quite the interesting character in the car. Garth either rides on top of my head or on the head rests and just cries and hold on for dear life. Today he sat behind the passenger seats by the rear window. That's a first. Needless to say, we're both glad to be back.
     This weekend I had drill for the Army and it was not one of my better weekend experiences there. First off I had a headache for 10 hours that probably turned into a migraine. It got so bad that it brought me to tears and made me vomit from so much pain. (That was probably more information that you ever wanted to know.) They ended up sending me home. Earlier that day, one of my sergeants told me, like he tells me every drill weekend, how socially awkward I am; which is so true. Unfortunately I have not been out in public very much so I have been lacking in things to be socially awkward about. Regardless, I am sure I will find myself somehow in a situation as such. Today at drill we did nothing but clean and clean and clean and then clean some more. Whoop (there it is). All in all though, I am proud to wear the uniform. I am leaving for training soon and am extremely excited and nervous all at the same time! February 19th cannot arrive any faster than it already is. Pretty soon I will be gone for 4 months in another state away from all of my friends. The great thing is that I will make new friends and kick some ass at training.

Girl's Best Friend

     Over the past week while I have been roaming around between Iowa, Indianapolis, and Huntington, Garth has been at my mother's house so he has some company while I am gone. Which means I have been in my apartment all alone for a week. I never realized how crazy I would have gone had Garth not been there to keep me calm and keep my company. He really got me through so much this semester and has been great therapy to say the least. Luckily I get to bring him back this Sunday and he can keep me company in the coldness! Nothing is more purrrfect than cuddling with my cat and drinking come warm tea and being serenaded by the purrs of Garth. Okay, I am sure more things can be perfect, but being with my little fur ball makes me happy. It is going to be so sad when I have to leave the little guy for 4 months. Hopefully he still remembers me when I get back!

Fears

     Today, when I woke up this morning I had the most interesting dream about this fish biting off my toe. For people who know me pretty well know that fish are one of my biggest fears. The whole fear of fish came from my younger sister. When I was younger she used to tell me that fish would bite my toes off. That little shit. She made me so afraid of fish that at one point when I was really young I was afraid of minnows and cried and begged my dad to carry me to the boat. I am so petrified of fish that I am paranoid every time I swim in the same vicinity. I am only afraid of swimming with them and touching them while they are alive.
      As I was thinking about my fears, I was thinking about the idea of fears and how irrational most of them are. Fears are simply a mind trick on yourself to stop you from doing things. Most fears come from a bad experience that happened one time 15 years ago that "scarred you for life." If everyone could just overcome their fears by logic, there would be way less things to be afraid of. If you could just trick yourself into thinking yourself of a fear the same way you irrationally thought yourself into it, you could overcome your fear once and for all. Next time you do are afraid or have a fear try to logically think why you have that fear and see if it actually makes sense to be afraid of it. Being logical all of the time is not always the best first choice but it can help. If all else fails, just breathe.

Sunset Perfection

Breathe new life into a perfect day.
The only happy ending needed
is that of a perfectly beautiful sunset
Shining in all of its magnificent glory
as its bold colors paint the sky
like it is its canvas.
Fill me with euphoria
not being able to capture all of its glory.
For just those moments
everything is infinitesimally perfect.
Words cannot describe.
Pictures cannot justify.
But memories, my friend
Are all I need.
For just those moments
I reach the closest to happiness
that I will ever be.

The People You Meet, The Places You Go

It is so amazing how encounters with other people can change your life, for better or worse. You may kiss the bride. No just kidding. But seriously. Even the slightest interaction with someone can change your life. I have met so many people in my 19 years of life. Most of them have made a great impact on my life. My friends at school have really helped be find out who I am. I could not be any more thankful. Because I made the decision to live on campus, where I did, when I did, allowed me to make friends with the people on my floor. Being in the right place at the right time really impacts how things turn out. Heck, deciding to go to the school I did allowed me to meet some amazing people as well. Not only in my classes but on campus in general. To any of my friends who are reading this. I just want to say thanks for being some pretty cool bad asses. That's all.
     When I went to basic training I made some of the best friends I could have ever had. It is a unique type of friendship. One where you can hang out and be cool cats and also risk your life for everyone your fighting with. It is kind of hard to explain how amazing that type of bond feels. Every person I have met has been a stepping stone to my future prosperity and happiness. And present I suppose. You never know what person will have the connections to your dream job, or what ever the hell you want to do. Don't take people for granted. Sometimes you can seriously change someones life with a simple smile or hello or any type of kind gesture. Even letting them know that you're there for them. I know that I would not be the same person or be here if it weren't for my friends making sure that I am okay and letting me know that they're there for me. Just keep that in the back of your mind next time you are feeling spiteful or lonely. People out there care. You just have to find the right ones.